End of a Term

​Last week before school starts Disneyland trip for Tanner, my brother and his son
Last week before school starts Perry’s are in town and we’re partying it up
Last week before school starts dad, mom and sister have Covid
Wednesday before school starts my dad goes back to the hospital
Friday before school starts my family, Perry’s and friends at the high school help me feed 200 faculty at the high school
Friday night dad is in the hospital and being his normal grumpy patient wanting to come home
Saturday morning Perry’s go out looking for places to buy in Utah
Saturday morning we are watching Oliver and loving having our grandson for the day
Saturday morning watching a dear friends funeral who lived a great life
Saturday Zach is off with a group of friends for the day doing activities, because many of them are heading off to college the next week

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​Saturday morning a message comes on the family thread that we need to gather at my parent’s home at noon to make some decisions. . .and what is it that we are going to be discussing???
Saturday close to noon Brayden and Sarah come home and watch Oliver so Rick and I can gather at my parent’s home
Saturday at noon we gather as siblings outside my parent’s home wearing masks and keeping distance from my mom, because she’s got covid
My mom looks super pale, has oxygen on and honestly didn’t look like she was really there - looking off in the distance
Sitting on the table was a binder I knew all too well. . .my dad’s living will - we had to read this once before 10 years earlier
My sister was in the hospital, another sister and her family in San Francisco, a brother and his son and Tanner in California and another sister joining via phone call or zoom
My sister who has been staying with my mom and been the spokesperson with the doctors for my dad starts to talk. . .starts to cry
Dad has lost consciousness
We’ve got to make some really hard decisions
The reality is we might lose dad
We discuss, we pray, priesthood blessings and in 25 minutes we all come to a consensus that we’ll have dad intubated
That’s our best hope - we’ve got to fight - dad will fight - we believe in miracles
We decide to fast as a family and will break the fast as a family the next day 
We cry together, we’re in shock, is this really happening???

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​Time to go home. . .time for me to tell my boys what’s going on
Brayden and Sarah are at home. . .we tell them and we are all in shock and cry together
Brayden says what our engagement, what about our wedding. . .grandpa is so excited for their wedding!
Tanner’s with Scott in California. . .I message him and ask him how he’s doing and when are they heading home.  It’s time for them to come home.
Michael. . .I call him and he’s not with Alex, but I let him know and he shares that things will be alright - we have the Plan of Salvation and Eternal Families - didn’t calm us, didn’t ease the fear and sadness
Zach. . .he’s with friends and having a fun day.  Do I want to ruin it for him?  But he should know.  We finally call him later afternoon and share with him and he cries and thanks us for telling him and he’s with friends he can cry and get comfort from.

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​That afternoon Rick and I decide to take Oliver to the temple grounds, see grandpa’s train and get some pizza.  Getting out and finding a little peace and hope in miracles.
Sunday morning the Perry’s head home to Washington
Sunday we go to church, Tanner gets home and we got to my parent’s to break the fast
We’re going to hold onto hope and miracles - we know this can happen
Monday Rick starts his new job
Tuesday Tanner starts school
Throughout the week we’re getting updates. . .some not good, some hopeful, massive roller coaster

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​Thursday the dreaded call comes. . .the doctors don’t believe he’s going to make it and everyone can have a few minutes with him alone to say their goodbyes, have personal time
NOOOOO. . .this just can’t be happening
Thursday afternoon we gather at the hospital as a family at our scheduled time
Rick goes in first. . .put on the gown, gloves, mask and he goes in and sees my dad
Gratefully he warns us that there are some things that surprised him, were hard to see
Then the boys go in one at a time
Brayden and Sarah are able to go in together due to her surgery and Brayden pushes her in a wheelchair
Then its my turn. . .I go in. . .I talk to him. . .he’s not conscious, he’s not been conscious since the previous Friday
There’s spirits in the room, I can feel them
I feel I can communicate with my dad through my thoughts
I tell the spirits to go away and leave my dad here. . .I’ll have a tug of war. . .I need my dad here
I feel there’s just a little bit of hope, come on dad, fight, stay, please, I want you here, we all want you here

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​First week of school for Tanner - terrible week to start school and Tanner’s missed classes and definitely not focused on starting school
Friday my brother and mom spend lots of time at the hospital talking to doctors, assessing situation. . .it’s not good
Saturday the ward and family gather at my parent’s to clean up the yard - its AMAZING!!!!  
Many tears and laughter all together and we can feel my dad’s spirit supervising - we know he’s happy
Saturday afternoon a time is scheduled to take my dad off of life support on Sunday

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​Sunday we gather for breakfast, family prayer, time to head to the hospital to really say goodbye to my dad, time for life support to be turned off
Sunday in my dad’s room we are blessed with his doctor there that’s the hospice doctor for the weekend
There’s a spirit there - priesthood blessing, singing primary songs and hymns, lots of love, lots of tears and he goes peacefully
He’s gone. . .not the miracle we hoped for, but there were miracles, many miracles
Sunday dinner as a family and time to plan the funeral

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​We’re bringing dad home one more time - having his viewing and funeral in his yard
He gets one more train ride, not a dry eye
Tanner. . .school?  What’s that?  How can he focus on school?  He’s lost his grandpa that he spent so many hours a week with. . .discussed science and math with grandpa all of the time
Friday, August 27th we have the funeral.  Honestly no thought of school.
Next week celebrate my parent’s 50th Anniversary - AMAZING and such awesome memories

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​Tanner is struggling, we’re all struggling
We all cry every day
Tanner goes to school, but only going through the motions and can’t think about school
He’s never been behind in school - straight A student
Now he’s mourning, straight F’s, behind in school and trying to figure out how to catch up, get back to life
Reach out to teachers
Tanner does a little bit here and there
Some teachers super understanding
Some grades start to come up slowly
Meet with his counselor, doctor, adjust medications, his stomach hurts alot
Maybe this is going to be the first time he doesn’t make honor roll
But he’s in highschool - these grades count for everything - his future goals - college scholarships - all he’s worked for over the last 2 years
Decisions to be made
Wish the grades didn’t matter - wish emotional needs could be most important right now
Down to the last 3 weeks of the term - still many F’s
Give some incentives - favorite food if he gets so many assignments done
Baseball field time with dad in the downpouring rain if he gets more assignments done
Teachers understanding and working with him - not penalizing for late work
We make it fun - sit around the table and laugh and work together to help him finish his school work
Wednesday, October 13th last day of the Term
End of the Term - a term that means more than just school term, going to school, doing schoolwork and learning in school
It’s the end of a Term - a term that won’t ever be forgotten
Term of loss, massive loss, broken heart, healing, tears, miracles, friendships, supportive teachers, proving we can all do really hard things. . .and we can come out WINNING
Tanner showed us how this works. . .All A’s except one A- and B+ and once again he made Honor Roll! 

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