I wanted to share something light and fun today - a success from the last 9 months. Throughout this year it’s been nice to have each of the boys go into counseling. We’ve all had the same counselor and it’s been a family affair. I’ve loved that it’s been an opportunity for our family to do this together and when we are just sitting around or chatting with each other we have great conversations with each other using terms and experiences we’ve all learned in counseling. It’s opened up a whole new world of conversation in our home.
As many know over the years I’ve been heavily involved with a lot of things and often made commitments that the only way they could be accomplished was as a whole family. I’ve had high expectations and honestly expected a level of perfection. There wasn’t time for processing how everyone was feeling or for attitudes. My boys have been amazing to go along with everything, have been very supportive and loved the experiences, but there was a cost to their mom being so busy, task oriented and my expectations.
On Sunday I was excited to share with the boys that 27 years ago that evening I was set apart as a full time missionary and my life’s never been the same. I commented that was the end of some of the harder things I had been through in relationships. Tanner asked me a question specifically about that time in my life and I answered him. He was nervous and timid at first, but then I told him he was welcome to ask any questions and I would be happy to answer anything he wanted to know. We had an AMAZING conversation and it strengthened our relationship so much.
He made the comment that for the longest time he didn’t know what I had been through and then as some things have come up he didn’t feel he could ask any questions, which was a true statement. I wasn’t open to talking about things from my past and how I felt then or even over the years. He thanked me for being open and sharing with him. He loves that he feels safe to ask anything or talk about anything with me and knows that things will be fine and we can have great, open conversations. No judgement and now he knows his mom’s not perfect, which is a great thing.
After I answered all of his questions he shared with me that he felt bad about some of the things he had written about me during the Fall that he had on his phone. He shared that he didn’t understand what I had been through and he had a greater appreciation for my struggles and what I was going through. I asked him to share with me the things he had written and he said that he felt so bad and didn’t want to hurt me.
In a very loving way he opened up and shared with me the things he had written. It was very eye opening to me and helped me see into things he was experiencing and feeling from my expectations and how I handled things in our home. Honestly, many of his feelings mirrored things that I have felt for 48 years.
I used to be so calendared, busy, no time to stop and seize the opportunities that were the most important.
I encouraged him to share those things in counseling yesterday and to talk through how he felt and how he’s feeling now. I had the opportunity to go in the session with him and it was such an amazing experience to talk about the changes that have come in our home through the last 9 months and how much healthier we have all become. It’s been a long road, but so rewarding.
After counseling he asked if we could stop at Baskin Robbins. I’ve not been to Baskin Robbins in at least 10 years. Without question of what else we had going on for the day we went to Baskin Robbins. We put on our masks, went in and got waffle cones and ice cream. There wasn’t seating inside due to Covid-19 so we went out to the van and sat and ate our ice cream. Not only did we enjoy our ice cream, but we made a mess with it dripping all over and we laughed and talked and came up with the story we would tell Rick as to why we were an hour late getting home - lol.
I used to be so calendared, busy, no time to stop and seize the opportunities that were the most important. I didn’t know how to have healthy, fun conversations with my boys. I was very much task oriented and the conversations were about school work, what did they need to get done, the house being cleaned and the list goes on. I would have never imagined being calm about ice cream melting all over and making a mess. I even got ice cream on my nose and we laughed together about it.
I’ve loved connecting with my boys on a whole different level and having a much deeper understanding of each other’s emotions and the real things in life that matter. This has only come because together we have worked hard at changing most everything about our family dynamics through counseling and we’ve all been willing to change - a true conversion to a happier, more sincere, connected life.
One day at a time or as a dear friend says, one hour at a time.
A wife and mother of 4 boys and 1 daughter-in-law, I have spent my entire adult life devoted to my family. I have been busy in their schools, supporting them in all of their school work, sporting events, activities, etc. I spent years heavily involved in the PTA, church callings, etc Life for me has always been overwhelmingly busy. While I thought this was my sanity, the truth is it masked issues - real issues - that I needed to work on to gain true sanity. I am sharing my story in this blog. I do this so that I might be able to help other women find their true sanity