We have faced some tough things over the years, but with the lessons I learned years ago I have been able to find the good and stay pretty optimistic.
A few weeks ago it seemed like there was one thing after another that was beating me down. Each thing by itself was small, but together I just couldn't take it anymore. I was frustrated that I was allowing others to waste my time. I was even more frustrated that there were individuals who didn't respect those that were helping me with there time. It just felt like every where I turned there were problems, complaints, lack of support and wasted time.
With all of the different things I do and positions I hold there are several different areas of my life that I have to ask people to sacrifice their time to help make a difference. I take that very serious. I never want to waste their time or my time. The things I am a part of and the things I ask others to be a part of I want to make a difference and be things that are for the good of others and the students at the schools I volunteer at.
I let it all get to me. I accepted defeat. I honestly couldn't bring myself to deal with anything that had to do with these areas of my life. I figured I would take a break from these things in the one area of my life and it would get better. Then as the days wore on I found myself feeling defeated in my home. I was having anxiety to make phone calls or even cope with the daily things. It's now been a couple of weeks and I found myself pretty much giving up on daily things all week. I found that more things were falling apart and the things that I half heartedly did came out half way - not very successful. I wasted time and found depression setting in. I have found myself feeling like I can't make a difference. I started thinking things like: "I will just let others make a difference. Maybe I should quit everything - time for a different direction." I haven't really been as connected with my children as I normally am. I have gone to bed earlier (which isn't a bad thing) and felt sadness - loss.
Yesterday I kindof hit rock bottom. I found myself seeing all of the negative and not seeing much positive. I felt withdrawn and didn't feel well. I found that nothing was really good in my life. Things that I had been able to easily deal with before I couldn't even think about.
I got up this morning and decided it was time to get back on the horse. I started the day out being much more productive. Then my Visiting Teacher came over and we visited. When I scheduled with her I had said the visit couldn't be long. I didn't tell her this, but I wasn't feeling up to a visit. We ended up visiting for an easy hour and it was so good.
Then she shared the visiting teaching message. I don't remember all of the quotes or the scripture she shared, but what she shared in summarizing the message was: We all get hungry. When we get hungry we eat. If we don't eat then we get weaker and can get sick, because our body needs nourishment. It is the same for our spirit. Our spirits get hungry and they need to be fed. I believe that is done by scripture study, prayers, attending church, friendships, not easily being offended, having goals and visions and dreams, allowing our visiting teachers to come over and being a happy people. The Lord wants us to be happy. He wants what is best for us.
Defeat is not what is best for us. I haven't been happy and I love being happy, seeing the good and helping others. It's amazing to me how things from a few weeks ago festered in my life to where I let it effect everything in my life. I didn't realize it when I let it start. When I was mad and giving up on things I didn't realize a couple of weeks down the road my life would be so unhappy and I would be disconnected from so many other things.
There are challenges. There are times we are "beat up". We might have ideas that others think are crazy or don't support. We might appear strong so everyone feels like you can take the heat for everything. That a few mean words won't hurt you because you are so strong. There will be times that someone will not do what they said they would and it can effect the outcome of what you are trying to do. There will be times that our efforts are wasted and time is spent that didn't need to spent on things. There will be disappointments. Things that cause us to be sad.
At some point or another these things will happen in our lives. We have to decide if we accept defeat or we battle back for the better. Do we keep on going and trying to succeed until we see success? That is what will truly bring happiness.
One of my favorite video clips from when I was a teenager was Karate Kid at the end when he is beat up, mocked and in a way could be easily defeated, but he battled back. Here is that clip: