When it comes to food throughout my life I have a few weird, funny, different habits. Some of those are:
Most of these patterns have been a part of how I eat most of my life. I remember in Junior High my friends would ask me to hurry and eat so that we could go do other things, but I just couldn’t. Oftentimes my friends would go and do their thing and I would sit there alone eating my food - it was alright. For years I did catering and with these feelings about food it wasn’t very profitable for our business. I would bring extra food, even if they didn’t pay for it, because it was worse to run out than worry about the money side of things. I would happily donate my time, because I wanted to oversee things and make sure everyone was taken care of. When I would spill on myself I would be super embarrassed and would feel awful about myself. I could hear voices saying I’m sloppy and clutzy and just didn’t know how to eat. This is probably why I would rather eat by myself. I can hide my insecurity about eating and making a mess. When I was younger I was so afraid of being even one pound too heavy. I struggled with anorexia and bulimia. I spent many days throwing up the food I would choose to eat. With so many of my insecurities with food I could go a whole day not eating. Over the last few years of counseling we’ve not addressed my food issues, but through my healing there has been many things about my life patterns with food that have changed. I’ve loved having dinner with my family. I have no problem with spilling my food on myself - it’s a great joke amongst my family and my boys keep suggesting that they get me a bib. I’ve told them that I’ll happily wear the bibs - might save my clothes. In fact, within the last few months we were in a restaurant and I was eating a sloppy burger and I got extra napkins and tucked them in my shirt and we had a great time with that. It’s been so freeing to just enjoy the moments and the food. I’ve been able to allow myself to dish up food and eat while everyone is passing around food. I can enjoy the food and the time. There’s a few things that I’ve been sure would never change. It’s the proper, formality, keeping things separate - eating one thing at a time and leaving the last bite. Those are two things that I’ve felt would never go away. About a month ago I was eating, visiting, enjoying myself in my home and all of a sudden Rick said/ to me, “Cheri, you’re eating different things on your plate and not finishing one thing at a time.” We laughed and I was like oh my gosh, how did that happen? And, over this time I’ve finished the last bite. I’ve done these two things several times recently. I’ve not felt that I had to save food for others. I’ve not had to think about the pattern and organization of how I eat my food. The other thing that has been super freeing about food for me is I don’t worry about something being the last one. I’ve been able to just let everyone and myself enjoy what we have and when it’s gone it’s gone. And if it was limited edition, well, it will come back at some point and we’ll enjoy whatever is next. There’s always something with food to enjoy. I know this might not seem like much, but in reality changing my patterns with food without thinking about it has been a very big thing for me. It’s something that has been freeing. It’s shown me that I’m relaxing, finding enjoyment in life, gaining confidence in myself, it’s alright to laugh and not know things. It’s alright to learn at any age. What is your thing? What is something in your life that you have a list of specific things about it that you have to abide by? Do you have beliefs with something (like food or relationships or school work or sports or laundry) that might not really need to be lived by? Is there something in your life that holds you back from really enjoying life? Find the joy, the real joy in life in the things that you do. Take time to heal and feel more secure in yourself so that you can enjoy the food and all you’ve got.
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Cheri HardmanA wife and mother of 4 boys and 2 daughter-in-law, I have spent my entire adult life devoted to my family. I have been busy in their schools, supporting them in all of their school work, sporting events, activities, etc. I spent years heavily involved in the PTA, church callings, etc Life for me has always been overwhelmingly busy. While I thought this was my sanity, the truth is it masked issues - real issues - that I needed to work on to gain true sanity. I am sharing my story in this blog. I do this so that I might be able to help other women find their true sanity Archives
April 2022
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